(This week’s civic education and engagement column from Danville’s The Republican newspaper.)
“Why are we not teaching kids how to be responsible in public?” Someone on the local chatter site was furious that local schools hadn’t lived up to their responsibility to teach proper behavior to young people. A couple juveniles had been photographed causing minor mayhem somewhere they shouldn’t have been.
It may be a perfectly valid question. But before we can answer it, we have to consider who is truly responsible for teaching appropriate behavior to young people: the public schools or their parents?
Sure, public schools are expected to carry some of the weight. But public education wasn’t created to raise children for their parents. Its larger purpose has always been to create an educated citizenry – people better prepared to make good decisions and contribute to the communities they call home.
As a longtime school board member, one of the things that consistently troubled me was the expectations some parents had when it came to their children’s behavior. Or more specifically, their misbehavior.
Time after time, I was approached by parents who wanted me to overrule some punishment or consequence affecting their child. They wanted me to look the other way when their child hadn’t earned enough credits to graduate with their class. They wanted me to arrange a do-over when their child’s arrest sparked an athletic suspension. Instead of turning youthful misdeeds into learning opportunities, they wanted me to erase them so their kids wouldn’t have to deal with the unpleasant consequences of their actions. “Can’t you just tell the principal to make an exception?”
Longtime Plainfield superintendent Jerry Holifield once told me the biggest change he witnessed across his career was parents’ desire to become their children’s friends, instead of – well, their parents. He cited a prime example: drug testing. Parents would call our schools and ask them to drug test their children because they suspected the kids were dabbling in something. Our staff would point out that home drug tests are readily available in local pharmacies. But the parents didn’t want to be the bad guys. Subjecting their own kids to a drug test would be so uncomfortable. They wanted the schools to be the bad guys so they wouldn’t have to.
It’s an attitude that extends way beyond the school day. Some parents happily supply alcohol to their teenagers and their friends. “We know they’re going to drink, so this way we can keep an eye on them.” When the party spirals out of control and the police arrive, the same parents protest that the kids were just being kids and don’t deserve punishment.
Schools already have their hands more than full when it comes to educating kids. They can’t – and shouldn’t – be expected to raise those children, too.
Yes, I was a teenager once, and yes, I did my share of stupid things. Shortly before he died, Dad regaled me with stories of his own youthful antics. As we sat and laughed, he remarked, “I’m sure you could share a long list of your own stories.” Then, after an extended pause, he added, “And you know, I’m sure I don’t want to hear any of them.”